Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #benefit

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Retirement is something pursued by almost all the population. There are multiple kinds of

work

Use synonyms

, which demands different body and mental efforts. Having a common hard-stop

age

Use synonyms

for everyone is democratic, but some categories may need to stop working earlier. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will expose why I disagree that everyone should stop working at an equal certain

age

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, and which kind of worker should stop working before. The corporate world

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

many kinds of disciplines to

work

Use synonyms

with, but all of them

demands

Correct subject-verb agreement

demand

show examples

similar mental

effort

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, I have experience working in a bank and working in the finance department of a multinational company

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and bought demanded similar mental

effort

Use synonyms

Although

Linking Words

it has some

difference

Fix the agreement mistake

differences

show examples

related to the environment, it is almost the same

effort

Use synonyms

. Given that, setting an equal retirement

age

Use synonyms

for

this

Linking Words

group of corporate office workers is a good idea. Since it will force people to retire, and it will make space for

new

Add an article

a new

the new

show examples

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

work

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

age

Use synonyms

would need to be different to a trades worker.

Firstly

Linking Words

workes

Correct your spelling

workers

show examples

that make careers at farms are demanded

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

much more body

effort

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, with time

this

Linking Words

kind of worker feels the weight of

Remove the article

apply

show examples

life using force to harvest a field and the effects of the sun. Because of

this

Linking Words

, these categories may need to stop working earlier than the office workers. In conclusion, farmers are demanded differently than office

works

Replace the word

workers

show examples

Thats

Correct your spelling

That's

show examples

why for me it is accepted that they should retire before others, which makes me disagree that everyone should stop

Use synonyms

work

Wrong verb form

working

show examples

at an equal

age

Use synonyms

Submitted by miro.rados on Sun Feb 19 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Percentage of Population Aged 65 and Over in Three Countries (1900-2000) Year Australia Belgium Costa Rica 1990 5% 8% 3% 1950 7% 10% 4% 2000 15% 18% 12% Write at least 150 words.
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