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Band 5

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health
Recently the phenomenon has aroused wide concern
is
Correct word choice
that is
show examples
gorvement
Correct your spelling
government
 should forbid
food
shops
selling
Change preposition
from selling
show examples
 any
products
 proven to be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 people’s
health
.
However
, there are a
lot
 of bad
food
 and drinks creating significant benefits for countries. In
this
 essay, I will argue that
this
 is unlikely to happen. It is true that nowadays society is increasingly developing,
gorvenment
Correct your spelling
government
 will spend more attention protecting
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of citizens. So, there are a
lot
 of policies cultivated to forbid
shops
 selling harmful
products
.
Moreover
, these policies contribute to
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
risks
Correct article usage
the risks
show examples
contract
Change preposition
of contracting
show examples
 many diseases from toxic
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
 and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the mortality rate every year.
For example
, in
vietnam
Change the capitalization
Vietnam
show examples
,
shops
don’t
Verb problem
aren’t
show examples
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to sell sweet powder containing poisonous substances
make
Verb problem
that cause
show examples
 cancer.
However
, knowing obviously a
lot
 of
food
 is not good for
health
, these
products
 are still sold a
lot
 in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
due to
 their
economically
Change the word
economic
show examples
 sound .To explain
this
 fact, those
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
 for sale in
market
Add an article
the market
a market
show examples
 are impressive and
enomous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 turnover for countries by
tax
Add an article
the tax
show examples
.
For instance
, instant
noodlle
Correct your spelling
noodle
noodles
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 convenience
food
, is growing
popularity
Replace the word
popular
show examples
 in my country.
Although
 it has a
lot
 of ill effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
 like increasing dangers to get diseases relating to obesity if eating it
frequenly
Correct your spelling
frequently
. Even though, there are many approvements to inhibit
of
Correct article usage
the of
show examples
 selling many
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s
health
, people are unlikely to abandon consuming these harmful
products
 so
still
Correct word choice
many still
show examples
exist
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many
shops
 selling
its
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
therefore
Capitalize word
Therefore
show examples
, using
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 or not, it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the sense of protecting
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
 own
health
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulations
  • accountability
  • retailers
  • public health
  • consumer choice
  • diet
  • banning
  • health education
  • awareness campaigns
  • economic impact
  • job losses
  • small businesses
  • complexity
  • beneficial
  • harmful
  • quantity consumed
  • individual health conditions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: