IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today a lot of different cultures and ethnic groups live together in the country. Do you think it is a positive or negative development ?

#cultures #groups #country #development
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Nowadays, numerous people from different backgrounds like cultures and
ethnics
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ethnicities
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 live in harmony in many countries.
Therefore
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, there are several benefits which cause me
stand
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to stand
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on
Change preposition
in
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 position that
earlier
Correct article usage
the earlier
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 trend is a positive development.
Then
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, in the following paragraphs, I will elucidate my perspectives.
To begin
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 with, living in the middle of plural societies might decrease discrimination and racial conflicts in view of the members of societies
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
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 develop social interaction with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others.
For instance
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, in my homeland, Indonesia, there are more than 700 ethnic groups and they relish the social balance
due to
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 there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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duty
like
Change preposition
of
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 respecting communities from
dissimilarity
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dissimilar
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 backgrounds which
is
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are
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 applied in daily
contacts
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contact
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, respecting other groups
as a result
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 of
previous
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the previous
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trend
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trends
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 has
probability
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the probability
a probability
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 to decline conflicts which are made by the lack of
tolerancy
Correct your spelling
tolerance
. Turning to another side, many people shall improve several meaningful activities which represent pluralism like making good cooperation and maintaining
communal
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a communal
the communal
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relationship
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relationships
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. To illustrate, in Bengkulu city
as
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apply
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my birthplace, it is a common phenomenon when societies from different religions work together
in
Change preposition
on
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 some occasions
like
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apply
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Muslims help to rule the traffics when
Christmast
Correct your spelling
Christmas
 happens, and later, some Churchs provide their park to keep vehicles when Muslims celebrate their special religion days.
As a result
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, growing in multicultural ecosystems will develop
Add an article
a relationship
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 among different groups. To summarize, I redeclare that
Correct article usage
a pluralism
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pluralism
Replace the word
pluralist
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 society has numerous advantages which can be identified from multitudinous aspects like avoiding mass conflicts and ameliorating a good relationship with many communities.
Then
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, it is a communal responsibility to conserve earlier
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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 to construct better life without discrimination.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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