IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today find they have insufficient time to spend with their families, because of pressures of work. What problems does this create for individuals and their families? What solutions can you propose? Which would be the most effective solution, in your view?

#people #time #families #pressures #work #create #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We are living in
salad
Correct article usage
the salad
show examples
 days of the millennium. The world is growing beyond leaps and bounds,
thus
Linking Words
 creating a
culture
Use synonyms
 of needs. To suffice
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, employees are compelled to
work
Use synonyms
over
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and have to take the burden
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their families. It is asserted that
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
stress
Use synonyms
, people are no longer able to enjoy quality
time
Use synonyms
 with the family.
This
Linking Words
 trend has serious repercussions and
this
Linking Words
 essay divulges the problems generated
due to
Linking Words
 surging workload and
stress
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the increased
stress
Use synonyms
 associated with
work
Use synonyms
 and deteriorating family
time
Use synonyms
 lead to plummeting job
statisfaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 among the workers.
This
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 leads to absenteeism, burnout and magnifying turnover in staff,
consequently
Linking Words
 resulting in decreased productivity and
work
Use synonyms
 satisfaction. One
such
Linking Words
 example is increased resignation among the hospital staff during
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, imploding family
time
Use synonyms
,
unike
Correct your spelling
unlike
 anything can lead to
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 and depression
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the working community. Shifting towards the second school of thought, higher rates of domestic violence are attributable to the increasing
work
Use synonyms
 pressure and lesser relaxation
time
Use synonyms
 with family.
This
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 can pave
path
Add an article
the path
a path
show examples
 for higher divorce rates.
For instance
Linking Words
, during COVID-19, there was a surge in divorce rates among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors, owing to their increased job
stress
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can
also
Linking Words
 impact the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of children.
However
Linking Words
, there are efficient steps that can be
par taken
Correct your spelling
partaken
show examples
 to ameliorate
this
Linking Words
 situation. Organisations should lay down policies on working
culture
Use synonyms
 and
employ
Replace the word
employee
show examples
 assistance programs for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 staff.
Further
Linking Words
, an effective
leadship
Correct your spelling
leadership
 should be established, where the subjects can discuss
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 concerns and pressure
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their directors.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, people should develop a family
culture
Use synonyms
 that ensures
ample
Correct article usage
an ample
show examples
 amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent with family. To summarise,
work
Use synonyms
 pressure can impact the
time
Use synonyms
 spent with the family and thereby affect the mental and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical health of
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the organisation.
However
Linking Words
, undertaking certain steps can reduce the impact of
this
Linking Words
 and I strongly believe establishing a positive
work
Use synonyms
culture
Use synonyms
 and
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
effective leadership is the most vital step.
Submitted by dtifaniya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Flexible working hours**: Work schedules that allow employees to vary their arrival and departure times.
  • 2. **Remote working**: Working from a location other than the traditional office, usually from home.
  • 3. **Work-life balance**: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • 4. **Mental health**: A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.
  • 5. **Paid family leave**: Time off work with pay granted to employees to take care of family members.
  • 6. **Time management**: The process of planning and exercising conscious control of time spent on specific activities.
  • 7. **Prioritize**: To arrange or deal with in order of importance.
  • 8. **Guilt**: A feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.
  • 9. **Neglected**: Suffering a lack of proper care.
  • 10. **Behavioral issues**: Actions and mannerisms exhibited by individuals, often resulting from stress or emotional instability.
  • 11. **Support systems**: Networks of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: