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Band 4

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

#drinks #people #sugar
Nowadays, many
people
 consume more sugar intake almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not good for our
health
. I agree that sugary
drinks
 should be made
more high
Replace the words
higher
show examples
 in price
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that
people
 will get
discourage
Change the verb form
discouraged
show examples
 to buy and consume
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
show examples
 almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
To begin
 with, sugary
drinks
 should be made very expensive, in order to prevent
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 very easily. Because it can give
people
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
health
 issues. It
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 some
health
 problems
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
show examples
 by
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 sugary
drinks
 intake is obesity,
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 basically make
people
 very fat and
also
 diabetes is
also
 a big problem
fro
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
people
 with
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much sugar intake, another one is it can dry your skin and damage your teeth.
In addition
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should impose more tax
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 kind of
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
show examples
 to help
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
 discourage
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 consume it
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
For example
 in Bangladesh when you buy sugary
drinks
, like
pepsi
Change the capitalization
Pepsi
show examples
 and coca cola its is the same price for the supplier,
that is
 why
people
 consume more sugary
drinks
 because it is cheaper, But in a long run, it can
cause
 more problem
fro
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 the
health
 of
this
people
 if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 did not control
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 drinking habit. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 definitely agree that government give high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 and more
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
drinks
Fix the agreement mistake
drink
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
cause
 more
health
 problems in the long run and can
cause
 more diabetes and obesity.
Submitted by rubenellaurino on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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