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Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose
It is considered by many people that the best place to entertain is the museum
while
 others argue that the gallery could be used as a source of education.
This
 essay will highlight both sides' points of view and as far as I am concerned, I am in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of education believers. To commence with the view that some individuals consider the museum as an entertainment location. To elaborate, Many tourists are keen to visit other nations' museums to explore their cultures and traditions by which they can enjoy their vacation time with their families and friends.
For instance
, in 2009, there was a record in Indian history of about 800 Thousand foreigners visiting the Taj Mahal gallery.
Thus
, few numbers of people love to visit all types of museums for their enjoyable
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
However
, museums could be highly beneficial for
students
 in their education which we will explore in the next paragraph. As for the educational view of a museum, many
students
 could get various types of information that could assist them in the class curriculum.
In other words
,
Students
 can choose the type of
galleries
 as per their subject as art pupils who can visit the Art gallery which can help them to easily understand the university syllabus.
For example
, the government of Taiwan implemented the regulation that schools need to arrange trips to worldwide
galleries
 which can broaden the
pupil's
Change noun form
pupils'
show examples
 minds. It can help
students
 to decide on their future profession.
Therefore
, Visiting the
galleries
 for educational purposes is much more beneficial than entertainment. In conclusion,
Although
 some people love to stop by types of
galleries
 for their enjoyment with families during vacation, visiting them for study purposes is more advantageous than entertainment. which can motivate the
students
 and aid them in better understanding.
Submitted by mandeepsinghsony2022 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the points in a clearer and more cohesive manner. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow a logical progression.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more developed. Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction and summarize the main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both views and giving a balanced opinion. Make sure to provide more comprehensive reasoning for your opinion with more specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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