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Band 4.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
Adult
life
 is full of struggles whether it is about
money
, family or
work
. And one needs to be prepared to handle these things efficiently.
Children
 with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 resources are more prepared for
adult
life
 issues than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich
children
. I agree with
this
 and will discuss why less privileged ones are able to handle
money
problems
 and workload issues better.
Money
problems
 are not uncommon in
adult
life
 and underprivileged
children
 are likely to have already faced these issues in their initial stages. Because, in poor
family’s
Change noun form
families
show examples
children
 are being taught to control their desires and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not waste
money
 on unwanted things, and
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
these things are already fitted into the mind of the child and he/she
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 to know the value of
money
 and
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 it when needed. And as you get older your expenses are likely to increase because you are going to bear family expenses and you need to be very careful
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 your expenses. So, clearly when you have already faced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
problems
then
 you will have
understanding
Add an article
an understanding
show examples
 of how to use and not waste.
Secondly
, poor
children
 are better
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 handling extra workload pressure. Because families who have got less
money
 tend to have their
children
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
work
along with
 their studies to earn some
money
 and help their family.
For example
, some
children
 will be working at tea stalls or
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 after school and they
also
 need to study after coming back from
work
 for their exams and school
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. So, obviously being able to handle
work
 pressure in your early
life
 will benefit
in
Correct pronoun usage
you in
show examples
 handlings pressures in
adult
life
. In
this
 essay, I explained
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how being brought up in
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 does not have enough
money
 leads
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 better dealing with
adult
life
problems
 than rich
children
.
Submitted by adarshghai6 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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