IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the fast pace and stress of modern life is having a negative effect on families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is currently a contentious argument over whether family life is being harmed by the high speed and pressure of contemporary lifestyles. I totally agree with
this
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 notion because the fast pace leads to less
time
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 for
families
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 to be together, and stress leads to arguments among family members.
Firstly
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, the main reason why I believe family life is being compromised is
due to
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families
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 having less
time
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 to be with each other.
In other words
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, family members are tied up at work and with their social lives.
Moreover
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, people have many things they have to do these days
such
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 as checking e-mail and updating their online social status etc.
Consequently
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, no leisure
time
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 for the family.
For example
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, I
consume
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 about two hours online every night attending to daily correspondences before chatting with my parents,
whereas
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 ten years ago I would spend quality
time
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 with them as soon as I walked in.
Secondly
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, another reason why I support the notion that
families
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 are being impacted negatively is
due to
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 the pressure of life these days means that even when
families
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 do get together arguments are more likely to happen. That's why everyone feels tired and they are more likely to get irritated and
reacted
Wrong verb form
react
show examples
 to their heightened emotional levels.
For instance
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, when an exhausted father comes home from the office after a hectic schedule, he hardly has the energy to talk politely with his offspring. In conclusion, I completely agree that the rapid pace and stressful nature of sedentary lifestyles are having adverse ramifications on family relationships because
families
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 have less
time
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.
Additionally
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, when they are together they feel less relaxed. Given
this
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 situation, it seems that family members should try to be more supportive of one another and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
parents need to set aside regular times for
families
Use synonyms
 to relax together.

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear and relevant focus on the task question. Provide specific examples and develop ideas further to strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking and transition of ideas between paragraphs. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure a smooth and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Enhance the variety of vocabulary used to express ideas and support arguments. Focus on using more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary to enrich the overall language of the essay.
grammatical range
Work on using more complex sentence structures and varied grammatical forms to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical control. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of subordinate clauses for clarity and coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern life
  • fast pace
  • stress
  • negative effect
  • family bonds
  • working hours
  • conflicts
  • advancements in technology
  • distract
  • family time
  • financial pressures
  • living standards
  • strain
  • individuals
  • family activities
  • traditions
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