IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibilty towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilty #society
Huge companies, large
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
 and successful businesses, are big players
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social events, sometimes their one
twite
Correct your spelling
twit
show examples
 could change a stock market of a country. some say
this
 impact
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
this companies
Change the determiner
this company
these companies
show examples
 to have major responsibility against society but others believe that
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
show examples
 and
womens
Correct your spelling
women
 are just should
trying
Change the form of the verb
try
show examples
 to take care of their employers
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 the whole community.
Firstly
, I want to
clear
Replace the word
clarify
show examples
 that I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 that
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
are influence
Change the verb form
are influenced
are influencing
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people,
therefore
 they should play
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their role as
Add an article
an influencer
show examples
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
show examples
.
for example
, imagine a cloth big brand which has lots of fans and buyer
also
 famous among young person, if
this
 brand announce that education is not good enough on social media, I am pretty sure that the rate of applying for university is going to reduce
after
this
 news
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because teenagers admire the managers so whatever they say is going to impact on people immediately ,
for
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 they should wisely react and involve in
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 challenges.
However
, I
am completely understand
Change the verb form
completely understand
show examples
 why some folks
are disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 with me on
this
 matter, they bring
Change preposition
up this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 idea that
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cooparations
Correct your spelling
corporations
cooperations
 are responsible
toward
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their communities so what's the role of government here ? they discuss that some
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 should make money and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other should make culture , and these two are better
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
 not
interrupt
Wrong verb form
interrupting
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other jobs.
For instance
 : a singer should just
entertainment
Replace the word
entertain
show examples
 the fans not give
manifest
Correct article usage
a manifest
show examples
 about climate
changing
Change the form of the verb
change
show examples
. the singer should leave
this
 project to the ones who have knowledge about that. In conclusion, I believe that we are leaving in the age of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, social media and big communication tools, nowadays everything around us
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,
such
 as big companies so it's better that they manage their responsibility against people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their community , so we can have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life together.
Submitted by narges.nasrollahzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: