IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the cause of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It’s not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch,there is
heated
Add an article
a heated
the heated
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 argument about
this
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 view that
order
Change preposition
in order
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 to decrease the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate,
people
Use synonyms
 need to attack the cause of
crime
Use synonyms
 like untaught opportunities.
However
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,it is not sufficient to have a lot of police on the street and more individuals put into prison.I partially agree with
this
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 given mentioned phenomenon.
While
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 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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view will
be discuss
Change the verb form
be discussed
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraph with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 logical conclusion. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 adequate evidence of
this
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 view which are substantial.The first and foremost reason is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 higher fees
of
Change preposition
for
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and institutes.Nowadays universities increase their fee structure so poor
people
Use synonyms
 do not think about their graduation.
Additionally
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instead
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 of learning they use to
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
prefer
 to do online
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
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 as online scams and money trafficking.Adding more to it from the research of
State
Correct article usage
the State
show examples
 University Of California there are 1 million
people
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
scamed
Correct your spelling
scammed
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scammers in 2017 who never even studied high school. Probing ahead,if the government alert so many cops on the streets nobody sure that the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate will
be become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 lesser.
Moreover
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,if the criminals think that we will do some incident in that place they will definitely do even the more police alert there or even cops will
cought
Correct your spelling
caught
count
 them and put them
inside
Change preposition
in
show examples
 jail
crime
Use synonyms
 will not stop
Such
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 as rape,murder,snatching,kidnapping etc. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 more
people
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 put
inside
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prison is not a solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 after they come out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 jail criminals will do more
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 so in
hence
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,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have to
held
Change the verb
hold
show examples
 a camp
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 stop
crime
Use synonyms
as well as
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 educational institutes
also
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 must have to compromise about fees and all so everyone can study well and make the
Use synonyms
crime free
Add a hyphen
crime-free
show examples
 state.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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