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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar charts indicate how many
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in 3
areas
Use synonyms
 from 1995 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in cities showed an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
 the downward trends were the
figure
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 for towns and rural
areas
Use synonyms
. In detail, the highest percentage of
people
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 was
cities
Correct article usage
the cities
show examples
 category, which started from about 50% in 1995, increasing to around 65% in 2010. The second most popular
Use synonyms
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
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 was rural
areas
Use synonyms
 in 1995, which was at around 30%, decreasing to about 15% over the next 15 years.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for towns was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
thrid
Correct your spelling
third
show examples
 rank in 1995, which was 20%. It dropped to about 15% in 2010, which was
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
figure
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 category.
In contrast
Linking Words
, about 60% of
people
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 who were born outside
Australia
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 lived in cities in 1995. which was increase significantly to about 80%
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
 15 years. The
figure
Use synonyms
 for rural
areas
Use synonyms
 started from 40%, which
was decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
show examples
 dramatically to
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
 5% between 1995 and 2010. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
towns
Correct article usage
the towns
show examples
 category, approximately 30% o

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, areas, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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