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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibilty towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilty #society
In
this
 modern era, multinational
companies
 make
a huge profits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a huge profit
huge profits
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throughout
Change preposition
through
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 globalization. As many people
says
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say
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 that
businesses
 should be a big responsibility to
manage
Wrong verb form
managing
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 their up and downs for society.
However
, it
also
support
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supports
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 the economic status of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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. I agree with the statement that big
companies
 play a significant role for
public
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the public
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. First and foremost, small
businesses
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 dependent on multinational firms. Because it provides every resource to them by selling and buying products from other nations .
Thus
, nowadays
in
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apply
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stoke marking
also
 turn on with the help of big corporations.
Moreover
,
environment
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the environment
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 is
an
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a
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 major responsibility
for
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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corporate houses. They can invest more
on
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in
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 them ,so these things create a positive imbalance between
Add an article
the community
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community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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. For , example, an Indian billionaire Mukesh Ambani
spended
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spend
tremendous
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a tremendous
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 amount of money on
environment
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the environment
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 to maintain the ecosystem. As
,
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apply
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 it is important for
companies
 of took
fund
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funds
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on
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for
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positive
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the positive
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brand
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brands
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 so small every stage of
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 should
shown
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show
be shown
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 their talent or skills. Moving
further
, economic development
is depend
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depends
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 on business firms .
Although
, more and more people working
on
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in
show examples
 small
companies
so
Correct word choice
apply
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that
are
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is
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 powered by big corporate houses they need to provide sufficient salaries and benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society so they can grow easily.
Therefore
,
businesses
 should focus on various vital factors,for , instance, in education, medical and commercial sectors these all opportunities are useful for
businesses
 responsibility so that it public
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more convenient through it. In conclusion, making only money is not suitable for industries Because there are numerous aspects which
is
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are
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 only done by big organisations for society.
Submitted by Jimmydehal090 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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