IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibilty towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilty #society
Some
people
 say
money
 can not buy happiness but
with
Correct pronoun usage
itwith
show examples
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 you can buy many things that make you happy.
Businesses
 should not just look to only make
money
 but serve
society
 in any way.I think is important that business should help
society
 to evolve and grow
instead
 of just creating wealth.
Businesses
 can do wonders if they try to help
society
.
Businesses
 have wealth,connection and power if they want they can help
society
 easily without making too much effort and harming their business.
For instance
,In ,Pakistan one company align their advertisement with breast cancer just from that advertisement many rural areas women got aware of breast cancer.What that just did was align their promotion campaign with breast cancer and what they contributed towards
Add an article
a
show examples
society
 without making a lot of effort.
Businesses
 help
society
 in many ways if they just try to create wealth ethically and morally correct way.
while
 creating healthy
businesses
 can help
society
 by giving jobs to
people
.if any business set up a factory near a
village
then
 what will happen is the
people
 of that
village
 get the opportunity to get work in or with a factory- and the factory needs workers
people
 of that
village
 and nearby areas will have the best chance to get jobs and earn their bread even though factory will earn too.,Meanwhile
while
 there would be many small
businesses
 in the
village
 so that they can work with factories can grow them from that service or product.
To sum up
,if
businesses
 want to make
money
 for a long they will indirectly serve
society
 without losing any penny from their pocket they just need to be fair and responsible towards
society
.
Submitted by adarshghai6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: