You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
table shows the underground railways in comparison
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the date opened, how long
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the route was, and
also
passengers per year in 6 cities, which are
London
, Paris, Tokyo, Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles.
According to
this
table,
London
has got the oldest and yet, longest distance course of
underground
Add an article
the underground
an underground
show examples
rail system. Paris has the second longest track , and Tokyo has the most crowded fence, even though they only have half
long
Replace the word
length
show examples
of the line distance of
London
. in 1976, Washington DC, it is made 29
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
shorter
length
Change preposition
in length
show examples
than Tokyo.
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
it reduces about 10 times fewer people on the rails.
Although
, the shortest and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quietest city is Kyto. Let's point out the newest underground fence, it is Los Angeles in 2001 ,which is 17
killometers
Correct your spelling
kilometres
longer and
5
Add a missing verb
has 5
show examples
more people than Kyoto. the avenue of the underground rail getting shorter until 1981.
To sum up
,
London
has the oldest history of
underground
Add an article
the underground
an underground
show examples
pole
Fix the agreement mistake
poles
show examples
and the longest line in 6 cities.
Also
,it gets longer distances from 1990 to 1927.
however
, since 1976, it has been started making less length than before for some reasons.
as a result
,it has got mostly fewer passengers per year.
Submitted by mof.v914 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words london with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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