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With the advances in science and technology, people from different ends of the world can communicate with each other. What is your opinion on the impact of technologies on our lives? Do you think that these advances only result in positive outcomes?

#advances #science #technology #people #ends #world #impact #technologies #lives #outcomes
In
this
 sophisticated era, human activities are eased by the existence of
technologies
. I believe that
although
this
 phenomenon could bring a positive impact, it
also
 brings negative effects on
people
’s activities.
To begin
, it cannot be doubted that
technology
 is a marvel of human ingenuity which could assist
people
 in communication. Using
technology
,
people
 could communicate with their significant others in different locations easily. A case in point is
people
 who are already married, in the past,
people
 used to send letters to communicate with their partners which
was
Change the verb form
were
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time
 and
energy consuming
Add a hyphen
energy-consuming
show examples
, but with the advancement of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
, they could communicate easily without considering the
time
 and energy that they need to spend.
Thus
, with the existence of
technology
,
people
 could communicate with their partners easily.
Nevertheless
,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
 could bring
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact, it could
also
 bring drawbacks to
people
’s lives.
Firstly
,
people
 have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 predisposition to isolate themselves since they could do their work in their own rooms.
For instance
,
people
 who use computers to work tend to spend the majority of their
time
 on their
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 and lack interaction with their surroundings.
Secondly
, there is a chance for
people
 to gain weight. With the advancement of
technology
, a sedentary lifestyle cannot be avoided, so the tendency for
people
 to glue to their
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 increases.
As a result
,
people
 will lack exercise which will lead them to be more obese. In conclusion, even though
technologies
 have brought
a
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apply
show examples
merit into
human
Add an article
a human
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 activity
such
 as ease
in
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of
show examples
 communication, they could
also
 bring demerits
such
 as lack of interaction and the possibility to gain weight. Given
this
 situation, it is recommended
for
Correct word choice
that
show examples
people
to
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apply
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maintain the
time
 that they spend
on
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apply
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using
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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