The chart below shows the places visited by different people living in Canada Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates four destinations(zoo,library,theatre and

cinemas

Use synonyms

) visited by three subgroups of Canadians namely,new migrants born in non - English speaking territories outside Canada,Born in Canada and migrants from English-speaking countries. Looking from an

overall

Linking Words

perspective, it is readily apparent that English-speaking migrants and natives enjoyed attending

cinemas

Use synonyms

theatres

Use synonyms

,and zoos where recreational activities are possible.

On the other hand

Linking Words

,people from non-English speaking areas attended libraries most

Besides

Linking Words

Cinemas

Use synonyms

, were popular among native Canadians accounting for 70% of the total number,being the majority of visitors .

Nevertheless

Linking Words

theatres

Use synonyms

and zoos attracted more visitors who were non-Canadian English speakers compared to the other two categories , around 30% and 50% respectively. 50% of visitors to cinema comprised individuals from-non English- speaking territories and only 10% of them participated in

theatres

Use synonyms

as the least involved destination.

Although

Linking Words

individuals from non -English speaking areas, were lagging behind in attending

cinemas

Use synonyms

theatres

Use synonyms

and zoos ( 50%,10% and just above 30% respectively),they recorded the highest proportion in attending libraries.

g.s.subasinghe

Feb 23, 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinemas, theatres with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

159 words

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