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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie charts indicate the percentage of various causes that contributed to
immigration
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the emigration of
people
Use synonyms
 in the year 2007 in the U.
K
Use synonyms
. The charts are composed of six main factors that lead to annual migration. At a single glance, employment was the leading cause of total migration. And the least number of
people
Use synonyms
 emigrated for studies from the U.
K
Use synonyms
 More than half of the
people
Use synonyms
 migrated for definite job reasons, resulting in 30% of
immigration
Use synonyms
 and 29% of emigration.
Also
Linking Words
, 12% of
people
Use synonyms
 came to the
U.
Correct your spelling
U.K.
K
Use synonyms
 looking for a job,
while
Linking Words
 22% of
people
Use synonyms
 left the U.
K
Use synonyms
.
K
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. for a similar reason. The percentage of
people
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 in the
U.
Correct your spelling
U.K.
K
Use synonyms
, who immigrated or emigrated to accompany someone, was 15% and 13%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, more than a quarter of individuals moved to the U.
K
Use synonyms
 to pursue formal education,
whereas
Linking Words
, only 4% left the U.
K
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 for educational purposes.
However
Linking Words
, 32% of
people
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 gave other or no reason for leaving the U.
K
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. and
this
Linking Words
 percentage for reasons lead to 17% of
immigration
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.
To sum up
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, employment and formal study were the major contributing factors to
immigration
Use synonyms
 into the U.
K
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.
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 emigrated from the U.
K
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. looking for a definite job and to look for an activity.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words immigration, people, k with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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