Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #people

Public concern has

arised

Correct your spelling

arisen

raised

about whether the large amount of advertising which is aimed at

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

has a negative impact on them and should be banned. I tend to believe that

this

issue is very important for fewer parents.

However

, to

acknoledge

Correct your spelling

acknowledge

and evaluate

this

problem I will discuss

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

negative sides of

Replace the word

advertising

show examples

and whether the adverts directed to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

kids

should be banned. First of all,

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

effective and important tool in

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

world. Almost every company, business or

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

service provider will have their advertising translated on TV, radio,

boards and etc. These

videos or papers are seen by everyone

as well

Change preposition

including

show examples

children

Therefore

children

are introduced to new interesting toys, games and etc. That leads the

kids

to persuade their parents to buy them one. Which increases the usage of toys. That leads to the manufacturer supplying

bigger

Add an article

a bigger

show examples

number of objects for

children

Therefore

, that pushes the world even faster toward

global

Correct article usage

the global

show examples

warming problem.

Secondly

, the advertisements for

kids

introduce them to all

brand new

Add a hyphen

brand-new

show examples

toys. Which usually has an impact on

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

imagination.

This

is specifically when young

children

are introduced to

video

games. The

Change preposition

for

show examples

video

games are fascinating and involving.

Therefore

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

get obsessed with the need

Change preposition

for

show examples

video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

. The

video

game generally

interest

Change the verb form

interests

show examples

the child so much that he stops thinking and dives into the

video

game world which shapes his mind. It provides

children

with very interesting material which blocks young

kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

show examples

imagination

Fix the agreement mistake

imaginations

show examples

. My conclusion would be that the huge amount of

that is

aimed at

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

should be limited- not banned. Some new rules should be created on how to reach and translate the

to the young audience. The parents them-self should be more responsible

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

that their

children

sees

Change the verb form

see

show examples

and how to deal with their young

kids

when they desperately start to need a new toy after seeing an

Submitted by oimigle on Thu Feb 23 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?
Advertisements have adverse affects on children,be it positive or negative.Parents have a hard time in keeping their children under control,so they feel that these advertisements are taking a toll over their child.In this essay we are going to talk about both the perspectives.
4.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In recent times, people are becoming more interested in getting more information about their houses.
6
band
Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is no denying the fact that the environment is crucial for us because we live in it. It is a commonly held belief that governments and big companies have to help and progress the environment from climate change. There is also an argument opposing it. In my opinion, consider that people can make a huge difference in protecting the environment.
6.5
band
Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Our world is filled with commercials that make society purchase products, however, some argue that those have become too common and ineffective in promoting things. In my opinion, many companies have learned to adapt to changing customer behavior and found new ways to catch folk's attention.
7.5
band
The best way to solve the environment problem is to increase fuel prices. Agree or disagree
Nowadays, the problems associated with the negative impact of imprudent human activities have become a great concern for many. Few sections of society think that government should raise the price of fuel to alleviate the environmental problems. My perspective is that, increasing fuel price will help to some extent, there are other vital solution which is equally useful. This essay will decipher various reasons for my standpoint.

Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The best way to solve the environment problem is to increase fuel prices. Agree or disagree