IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Public concern has
arised
Correct your spelling
arisen
raised
 about whether the large amount of advertising which is aimed at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on them and should be banned. I tend to believe that
this
Linking Words
 issue is very important for fewer parents.
However
Linking Words
, to
acknoledge
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
 and evaluate
this
Linking Words
 problem I will discuss
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 negative sides of
Use synonyms
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 and whether the adverts directed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 should be banned. First of all,
advertisement
Use synonyms
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 effective and important tool in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world. Almost every company, business or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
service provider will have their advertising translated on TV, radio,
advertisement
Use synonyms
 boards and etc. These
advertisement
Use synonyms
 videos or papers are seen by everyone
as well
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
including
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are introduced to new interesting toys, games and etc. That leads the
kids
Use synonyms
 to persuade their parents to buy them one. Which increases the usage of toys. That leads to the manufacturer supplying
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 number of objects for
children
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, that pushes the world even faster toward
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 warming problem.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the advertisements for
kids
Use synonyms
 introduce them to all
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
 toys. Which usually has an impact on
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 imagination.
This
Linking Words
 is specifically when young
children
Use synonyms
 are introduced to
video
Use synonyms
 games. The
advertisement
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
video
Use synonyms
 games are fascinating and involving.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 get obsessed with the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a
video
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
. The
video
Use synonyms
 game generally
interest
Change the verb form
interests
show examples
 the child so much that he stops thinking and dives into the
video
Use synonyms
 game world which shapes his mind. It provides
children
Use synonyms
 with very interesting material which blocks young
Use synonyms
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
imagination
Fix the agreement mistake
imaginations
show examples
. My conclusion would be that the huge amount of
advertisement
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 aimed at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should be limited- not banned. Some new rules should be created on how to reach and translate the
advertisement
Use synonyms
 to the young audience. The parents them-self should be more responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
advertisement
Use synonyms
 that their
children
Use synonyms
sees
Change the verb form
see
show examples
 and how to deal with their young
kids
Use synonyms
 when they desperately start to need a new toy after seeing an
advertisement
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • target audience
  • consumer behavior
  • manipulative techniques
  • brand loyalty
  • materialistic values
  • childhood obesity
  • public perception
  • advertising strategies
  • psychological impact
  • regulatory measures
  • consumer protection
  • peer pressure
  • brand endorsement
  • cognitive vulnerability
  • parental influence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: