IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workes deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workes #pension #workers #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of
people
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 say that
music
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 is
Correct article usage
a powerfil
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powerfil
Correct your spelling
powerful
 way to unite
people
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 of different cultures ,
religus
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religions
religious
, and age groups.In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 notion because
music
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 is the language of all living creatures ,and everyone can understand it ,and react to it. In
this
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 essay, I will
further
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 explain and give examples.
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To begin
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Begin
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, there are different reasons for
this
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 ,but the most important
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one
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ones
Correct your spelling
one
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 is that
music
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 can stimulate
emotions
Correct article usage
the emotions
show examples
of
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in
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humains
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humans
.
In other words
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, it can make them sad or happy .
for example
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, sad slow
righthm
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right
 songs can make them sad ,
while
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 fast lively
music
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 can make them happy. to explain more, if we but individuals of various age groups or different
culture
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cultures
show examples
,and we played to them exiting
music
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then
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 everyone in the room will
danc
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dance
 together as they know each other
despit
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despite
 of all the differences between them.
Moreover
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, the second reason is that
music
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 can unite
people
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 to one cause especially national
music
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 , traditional
music
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 and historical one. for
instant
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an instant
show examples
, national
music
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 played in
footpall
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football
 games make all the audience react
with
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to
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 it even if they
camed
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came
 from
differet
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different
 culture ,since their nationality unite them ,
so
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apply
show examples
 the
music
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 will
remained
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 them .
To conclude
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, many
people
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 of different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 and age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 can react as one when
their
Replace the word
there
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
stamulate
Correct your spelling
stimulate
 their emotions like the national
music
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 or historical
music
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 where it remains them of their history and nationality .
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, even though some of them have
different
Add an article
a different
the different
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test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 in
music
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 ,
exiting
Correct your spelling
exciting
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 can make everyone
danc
Correct your spelling
dance
,
lagh
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laugh
 and have fun .
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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