Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workes deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workes #pension #workers #benefit

A lot of

people

say that

music

Correct article usage

a powerfil

show examples

powerfil

Correct your spelling

powerful

way to unite

people

of different cultures ,

religus

Correct your spelling

religions

religious

, and age groups.In my opinion, I completely agree with

this

notion because

music

is the language of all living creatures ,and everyone can understand it ,and react to it. In

this

essay, I will

further

explain and give examples.

To begin

Fix the infinitive

Begin

show examples

, there are different reasons for

this

,but the most important

Fix the agreement mistake

one

show examples

ones

Correct your spelling

one

show examples

is that

music

can stimulate

emotions

Correct article usage

the emotions

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

humains

Correct your spelling

humans

In other words

, it can make them sad or happy .

for example

, sad slow

righthm

Correct your spelling

right

songs can make them sad ,

while

fast lively

music

can make them happy. to explain more, if we but individuals of various age groups or different

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

,and we played to them exiting

music

then

everyone in the room will

danc

Correct your spelling

dance

together as they know each other

despit

Correct your spelling

despite

of all the differences between them.

Moreover

, the second reason is that

music

can unite

people

to one cause especially national

music

, traditional

music

and historical one. for

instant

Add an article

an instant

show examples

, national

music

played in

footpall

Correct your spelling

football

games make all the audience react

with

Change preposition

show examples

it even if they

camed

Correct your spelling

came

from

differet

Correct your spelling

different

culture ,since their nationality unite them ,

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the

music

will

remained

Change the verb form

remain

show examples

them .

To conclude

, many

people

of different

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

and age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

can react as one when

their

Replace the word

there

show examples

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

music

stamulate

Correct your spelling

stimulate

their emotions like the national

music

or historical

music

where it remains them of their history and nationality .

futhermore

Correct your spelling

furthermore

, even though some of them have

different

Add an article

a different

the different

show examples

test

Fix the agreement mistake

tests

show examples

music

exiting

Correct your spelling

exciting

show examples

music

can make everyone

danc

Correct your spelling

dance

lagh

Correct your spelling

laugh

and have fun .

Submitted by mohmmadloaa95 on Fri Feb 24 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree.

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