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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane
#process #sugar #cane
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THE PROVIDED DIAGRAM DISPLAYS THE GENERAL INFORMATION ABOUT THE PRODUCTION OF
SUGAR
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 FROM
SUGAR
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CANE
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.
OVERALL
Linking Words
, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT 7 DISTINCT STEPS ARE REQUIRED TO PRODUCE
SUGAR
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. THE PROCESS IS INITIATED BY GROWING
SUGAR
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CANE
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 IN YIELDS AND FINALISED WITH DRYING AND COOLING IN SPECIFIC TANKS. THE FIRST PHASE OF THE
Use synonyms
SUGAR MAKING
Add a hyphen
SUGAR-MAKING
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 PROCESS IS CULTIVATING
SUGAR
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CANE
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 IN FARMLANDS WHERE IT TAKES 12 TO 18 MONTHS TO BE GROWN MATURE.
THEREAFTER
Linking Words
, THE COLLECTION OF RIPE
CROP
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CROPS
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 IS DONE BY TWO VARIOUS METHODS, EITHER BY SPECIAL
MACHINERIES
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MACHINERY
TYPES OF MACHINERY
PIECES OF MACHINERY
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 THAT CAN ACCELERATE THE PROCESS OF HARVESTING
SUCH
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 AS COMBINERS OR BY
MAN POWER
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MANPOWER
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 WITH PARTICULAR TOOLS AND EQUIPMENT.
SUBSEQUENTLY
Linking Words
, HARVESTED
SUGAR
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CANE
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 IS READY TO BE CRUSHED BY MEANS OF
DEFINITE
Correct article usage
A DEFINITE
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 MECHANISM, WHERE THE JUICE IS EXTRACTED.
FURTHERMORE
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, THE EXTRACTED JUICE IS PURIFIED FROM
REMAINS
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THE REMAINS
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 OF
SUGAR
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CANE
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 THROUGH
LIMESTONE
Correct article usage
A LIMESTONE
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 FILTER. IT IS FOLLOWED BY THE EVAPORATING APPROACH, WHERE THE FILTERED JUICE IS BOILED AT
CERTAIN
Correct article usage
A CERTAIN
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 HEATING DEGREE IN ORDER TO OBTAIN THE SYRUP AND EVAPORATE THE REST. AFTERWARD, THE SYRUP IS PLACED INTO THE CENTRIFUGE WITH
A
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THE
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 PURPOSE TO
SEPERATE
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SEPARATE
SUGAR
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 CRYSTALS FROM SYRUP , BY SPINNING RAPIDLY.
CONSEQUENTLY
Linking Words
,
SUGAR
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 CRYSTALS ARE LEFT TO BE DRIED AND COOLED IN DISTINCTIVE CONTAINERS FOR
THE
Correct article usage
AN
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 EXCEPTIONAL AMOUNT OF TIME.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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