IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

With a growing world population one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world #population #people #gm #foods #offer
Today, the population of our planet is rapidly increasing. On the one hand,
growing
Add an article
a growing
show examples
 number of humans means more workforce.
On the other hand
,
this
 causes lots of other problems, and one of the most serious is how to feed everybody. Some people maintain that
GM
foods
 could be a valid solution. Personally, I would agree with that. If I were a scientist, I would probably know more about the harm which
GM
foods
 could bring to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 consumers. And because I am not, I am not really able to talk about
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative sides of
this
 type of
food
.
However
, what I think is that anyone would choose to eat products which even may be harmful, but not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
die.
For instance
, millions of people are starving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
in Africa, so without any
doubt
Add a comma
,doubt
show examples
 I think that it is better to feed them with unusual
food
.
Nevertheless
, with regard to any
long run
Add a hyphen
long-run
show examples
decions
Correct your spelling
decisions
, we have to modify
GM
food
 to be absolutely safe. Again, as an example let us recall
Afirca
Correct your spelling
Africa
 with millions of starving humans. By feeding them with possibly harmful
food
, we would decrease the death rate, but we do not know what will be with their health in future. So, I think that it is important not to stop developing new types of
food
.
To conclude
, I think that
GM
foods
 which possibly will bring some damage to
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could be great for short periods of time.
However
, to consider
this
food
 a real decision which will stop starving, we need
a strong evidence
Remove the article
strong evidence
a piece of strong evidence
a shred of strong evidence
show examples
 that it will not be dangerous. What I suggest is to keep
impoving
Correct your spelling
improving
GM
foods
 and conduct new
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
.
Submitted by moscowmicky on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: