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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowdays, many people have to work long time, and they feel more stressful than before. What are the reasons? What employers can do to make their life easier?

#nowdays #people #work #time #employers #life
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One of the main controversial issues in today's life is the long working
hours
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 for employees which causes stress and worsening condition depression among them. Modernity might have a serious impact on the mentioned issue.
there
Capitalize word
There
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 are some suggestions that may help
governer
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governments
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 or entrepreneurs to reduce working
hours
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 and following that solve its consequences.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the idea
of
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that
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 new technology or modern life can make people's life easier was untrue.
Although
Linking Words
 automation is replaced within a variety of man-made majors to decrease human responsibilities and heavy
work
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 traffic since company's
owner
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owners
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 are seeking their profits more than their workforce's satisfaction, it causes higher working
hours
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 since handling some
machine
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machines
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demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
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 more crew
along with
Linking Words
 more concentration but because employers do not want more expenses
due to
Linking Words
 more
staff
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 ,they forced their workforce to
work
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 longer.
For instance
Linking Words
,giving services from some companies becomes 24/7 which needs rotating duty alongside more
hours
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 to
work
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.
While
Linking Words
 there are plenty of reasons which forced
staff
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 for longer
hours
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working
Verb problem
apply
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, some solutions suggested improving their satisfaction.
For example
Linking Words
, paying money for extra
hours
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 may be a good way to motivate people to
work
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 happier if not possible to hire new
staff
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 or awarding them some paid days off of
work
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 as vacation
along with
Linking Words
 providing tickets and accommodation for spending the vacation in resort areas. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
, employees who are working for longer
hours
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due to
Linking Words
 modernity or shortage of workforce are in stressful conditions
due to
Linking Words
 lack of rest, corporates can inspire their
staff
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 to perform their job with less stress by awarding them or giving chance to get their own leisure time.
Submitted by r.etemadi2020 on

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coherence cohesion
In the introduction and conclusion, make sure to clearly state the main argument and summarize the key points. Connect all paragraphs logically to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, focus on fully answering all parts of the question and providing clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant examples. Ensure that your argument is well-supported throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global competition
  • economic pressure
  • advancements in technology
  • blurred lines
  • disconnect
  • cost of living
  • cultural emphasis
  • exacerbating
  • flexible working conditions
  • mitigate
  • burnout
  • wellness programs
  • mental health support
  • stress management
  • job satisfaction
  • workload
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