IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that technology such as mobile phone is destroying social interactions. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #phone #interactions
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It is certainly true that the lifestyle of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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is
Verb problem
has
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 changed drastically with the proliferation of high-tech media. Some people opine that social bonding between citizens is diminishing because of electronic gadgets like mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as they like to make
friends
Use synonyms
 virtually
instead
Linking Words
 of spending time with them in real. Nowadays folks are using electronic gadgets to communicate with their
friends
Use synonyms
 or family members.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have hectic schedules since they are busy with their jobs and business.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they communicate with them through social media once in
Linking Words
while
Correct article usage
a while
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, which in results bonding between them gets decreased as they do not like real meetings at the weekend.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey done by BBC
last
Linking Words
 year noticed that in developed countries like ,Canada youngsters utilize mobile
phones
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 to talk with
friends
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. They believe that a real meeting is a time waste.
Moreover
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, adolescents are using mobile
phones
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 to recuperate from the stress of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. The reason is that they like to play games online or watch videos which not only relax their mind but
also
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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assimilate the knowledge which is useful for them in future. These public believe that interaction with
friends
Use synonyms
 on a weekend is a money waste.
Thus
Linking Words
, they like to watch something online rather than meet them.
For instance
Linking Words
, families in Canada like to watch something on Netflix on weekends to relax their minds. In conclusion, the public is using
phones
Use synonyms
 to communicate virtually with their close people. They are using these gadgets but social bondings are decreasing with their families or
friends
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by komal03892 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on how mobile phones are specifically diminishing social interactions. Ensure all points directly relate to the topic and thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using transition words effectively. Also, consider restructuring some sentences for better clarity and coherence.
task response
Clear introduction and conclusion that address the topic effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of vocabulary and varied sentence structures.
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