IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is the responsibility of individuals to save money for their own care after they retire. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #responsibility #individuals #money #care
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Most
people
Use synonyms
 save
money
Use synonyms
 for their own care is
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 when they retire . I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 situation. Many
people
Use synonyms
 when they
done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
have done
show examples
 their
service
Use synonyms
 and retire
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 own self after
service
Use synonyms
 and they spend a
life
Use synonyms
 in a job .
However
Linking Words
, the old
Use synonyms
service man
Correct your spelling
serviceman
show examples
 who
work
Use synonyms
 for half of the century and the age they spend in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 they take
retirement
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 . Most
people
Use synonyms
 who don't have
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
 to
support
Use synonyms
 others
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 own self .
For example
Linking Words
 when the government
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 they collect and save
money
Use synonyms
 for their own and
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 end of
life
Use synonyms
 they spend a peaceful
life
Use synonyms
 after using the
saving
Replace the word
saved
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 . If they don't have any
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 and
Add a missing verb
have done
show examples
done
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 their job they have nothing to spend
life
Use synonyms
 easily .
Moreover
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
 some of them join duty and after some time they leave their
work
Use synonyms
 to get
retirement
Use synonyms
 only for
money
Use synonyms
 .they took
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the government or other
companies
Change noun form
companies'
company's
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 so we need to refuse or cancel after
retirement
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if
some body
Correct your spelling
somebody
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
 we need to give them some
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 that he
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 we cannot do any connection to them . In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is good for the old
people
Use synonyms
 who
support
Use synonyms
 their self and manage their
life
Use synonyms
 . For
younger
Add a comma
,younger
show examples
 we need to cancel
retirement
Use synonyms
 .
Retirement
Use synonyms
 is only for older
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 we make
Add an article
a plane
the plane
show examples
plane
Correct your spelling
plans
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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