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Band 3.5

These days in some countries an increasing number of young adults are choosing their whole weekands inside homes. Why do you think it is happening ? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #adults #weekands #homes #development
There is no denying the fact that the main impact of technology is arguable.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that with the advancement of automation, teenagers have become isolated and have spent the weekends at their apartments.
This
 essay will
shade
Verb problem
shed
show examples
light upon the reasons for
such
 acts and will show my opinion. With
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
 use of machinery, juveniles may depend on automation gadgets
such
 as phones and pads more than
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 time in the past.
For example
, a prestigious journal article published that 70% of teenagers used to work on their phones and watch social
media
 influencers and copycat their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In other words
, teens become addicted to social
media
. Indeed,
this
 makes it clear that
such
 advancement might deteriorate juveniles'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Furthermore
, kids might become unsocialized, and
this
 might impact their mental health. To illustrate, ten years ago, youth used to participate in social activities and engage with culture to experience and learn different skills,
however
 now, most pupils become lonely and isolated.
Such
 acts might result in useless individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are more prone to develop mental diseases
such
 as depression.
Thus
, it becomes apparent that juveniles could be adversely affected by the new
media
. In conclusion, in my opinion, I strongly agree that spending the weekend at home might have a negative impact on teenagers'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
 is because many teens are busy with social
media
.
However
, if their family emboldened them to participate in group activities, teens 99% refused and
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 arguments.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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task response
Provide a more comprehensive and balanced response to the essay prompt. Address both the reasons and potential positive aspects of spending weekends at home.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the overall structure and organization of the essay. Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure that they are logically connected.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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