IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Tourism is increasing day by day in nations. What are the affects on environment by tourism and what are the solution to curb these problems?

Nowadays a lot of people love to travel and explore different parts of the world thanks to inter-continental connectivity.
Tourism
Use synonyms
 is growing in nations on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis and it is
also
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 affecting our atmosphere.
This
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 essay will explain some causes of how
tourism
Use synonyms
 affects our
environment
Use synonyms
however
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 it will
also
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 suggest some viable solutions. The increase in travelling has detrimental effects on our
environment
Use synonyms
 provided that they are
travel
Correct your spelling
travelling
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 by aeroplane and other high fossil fuel consumption means of travelling.
For example
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,
According to
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 the United Nations research report
that
Correct word choice
apply
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aeroplanes are responsible for 60% of carbon dioxide emissions in the atmosphere
that is
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 causing global warming.
Secondly
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, Tourists hunting
animals
Use synonyms
 is damaging to our
environment
Use synonyms
 because
animals
Use synonyms
 have a great role in keeping our habitat stable.
For example
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,In
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
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 tourists come from arab countries and hunt
animals
Use synonyms
as a result
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 of particular hunting
animals
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 the species have been wiped out from Pakistan.
Thus
Linking Words
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 causing negative effects on the
environment
Use synonyms
 by travelling on aeroplanes and hunting
animals
Use synonyms
. In today's world every problem has solutions,To reduce the CO2 emissions that are caused by
tourism
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united nations
Correct your spelling
United Nations
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 has to
pose
Verb problem
impose
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 some kind of tax on aeroplane travelling and encourage other means of transport that are less damaging to the climate.
For example
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 ,In
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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 people travel on bullet trains from one city to another city. To stop animal hunting in any country,
State
Correct article usage
the State
show examples
 needs to declare animal hunting illegal and take strict actions against anyone breaking the law.For ,instance in Middle Eastern countries in the case of hunting
animals
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 you will be fined 5000$ and 3 months in prison.
therefore
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 , no one does even think of hunting there.
To sum up
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,there is no doubt that
tourism
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 is increasing regularly in many countries but it has some negative effects on our
environment
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay revealed some causes and simply explained the solutions to how can we save the
environment
Use synonyms
on the other hand
Linking Words
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 can enjoy too.

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task achievement
In the introduction, clarify that you will discuss both the effects and solutions to make the essay clearer from the outset.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between ideas. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments, as some points lacked depth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses an important topic and presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as airplane emissions and hunting in Pakistan, to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • ecosystem
  • degradation
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity
  • conservation
  • ecotourism
  • overcrowding
  • resource management
  • pollution
  • habitat destruction
  • renewable energy
  • infrastructure
  • waste management
  • environmental impact
What to do next:
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