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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how families on one country spent their weekly income 1968 and in 2018

The chart below gives information about how families on one country spent their weekly income 1968 and in 2018
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The graph below gives the detailing about how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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families in a country use their weekly income for the two years respectively, 1968 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the information for the
money
Use synonyms
 used is presented over the two
axis
Change to a plural noun
axes
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. The vertical axis
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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represents the services on which the
money
Use synonyms
 is being spent and the horizontal axis which shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 used in 7 days. There are 8 sectors which collectively make the weekly expenses. In 1968, the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent
over
Change preposition
on
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 food
ie
Use synonyms
; 35%
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
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 the smallest of all for the same year was used on fuel and power
ie
Use synonyms
; almost 7%. There were few sectors where the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
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money
Use synonyms
 used for housing and clothing foot ware are same
by
Change preposition
apply
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the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 10%
similarly
Linking Words
 for transport, household goods and personal goods
were
Change to the active voice
also remained
have also remained
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also
Linking Words
 remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
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with
Change preposition
at
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 around 7%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the expenses done
over
Change preposition
on
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 leisure were almost 9%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in 2018 the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the amount used was on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure
ie
Use synonyms
; almost 21% and the least for fuel and power and over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal goods
ie
Use synonyms
; around 4%.
Use synonyms
Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 near about 7% remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 for housing for the 2 years. After leisure, the spike rose for the two sections that were housing which was almost 19% and
then
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transport
ie
Use synonyms
;
near
Change the word
nearly
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 about 14%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, only 5% is consumed by the clothing and foot ware sector.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, percentage, ie with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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