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Nowadays, the improvement of health makes old people healthy and their life span longer. Then those who are over sixty-five can continue to live fully and actively. What can our society get from their improved lives?

#improvement #health #people #life #span #sixty-five #society #lives
Generally, old
people
 have a lot of experience and knowledge. The things they get during their long lives sometimes give us specific and interesting information.
For example
, in Japan, we are losing interesting traditional cultural activities
such
 as festivals and local beliefs. To prevent these things, we need to record the activities using
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 experiences of old
people
 who have lived in the specific culture.
Also
, in some
countries
, there’re gradual decreases in the birth rate. It means that the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force will decrease in the future.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
 will be needed as workers and it is actually helpful for some
countries
 which have a low birth rate.
Also
, sometimes old
people
’s experience and connections help the companies.
However
, the increase of healthy old
people
 means that they have to renew their values and study new things
such
 as techs. Nowadays, we are using PCs and smartphones to work, so the skill of using technology is necessary to work.
However
, they worked in a world without technology.
Therefore
, it is going to be an issue which must be solved, if old
people
 work.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
summary, improved life makes our society better and
to solve
Change the verb form
solves
show examples
 the birth rate issue in some
countries
. They will be important
labor
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
 in the
countries
, so we have to think
and
Change preposition
about and
show examples
 improve elderly
people
’s skills.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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