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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays, the improvement of health makes old people healthy and their life span longer. Then those who are over sixty-five can continue to live fully and actively. What can our society get from their improved lives?

#improvement #health #people #life #span #sixty-five #society #lives
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Generally, old
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of experience and knowledge. The things they get during their long lives sometimes give us specific and interesting information.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan, we are losing interesting traditional cultural activities
such
Linking Words
 as festivals and local beliefs. To prevent these things, we need to record the activities using
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 experiences of old
people
Use synonyms
 who have lived in the specific culture.
Also
Linking Words
, in some
countries
Use synonyms
, there’re gradual decreases in the birth rate. It means that the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force will decrease in the future.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 will be needed as workers and it is actually helpful for some
countries
Use synonyms
 which have a low birth rate.
Also
Linking Words
, sometimes old
people
Use synonyms
’s experience and connections help the companies.
However
Linking Words
, the increase of healthy old
people
Use synonyms
 means that they have to renew their values and study new things
such
Linking Words
 as techs. Nowadays, we are using PCs and smartphones to work, so the skill of using technology is necessary to work.
However
Linking Words
, they worked in a world without technology.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is going to be an issue which must be solved, if old
people
Use synonyms
 work.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
summary, improved life makes our society better and
to solve
Change the verb form
solves
show examples
 the birth rate issue in some
countries
Use synonyms
. They will be important
labor
Replace the word
labourers
show examples
 in the
countries
Use synonyms
, so we have to think
and
Change preposition
about and
show examples
 improve elderly
people
Use synonyms
’s skills.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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