It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

There is an increasingly popular idea that a

country

’s

history

should be learned by students

instead

world

history

. I don’t believe that contention makes sense because

world

history

also

necessary for learners’ knowledge. First and foremost, the

Culture

Fix the agreement mistake

Cultures

show examples

and traditions of the different nations give us interesting experiences. Learning about the formation periods in other

countries

helps you know more about culture and how they live in developed the

country

In addition

, each

country

has different traditions, which always leave many useful experiences that need to be preserved.

For example

, if you have a chance to travel to a certain

country

, understanding the

history

and culture of that place will make it easier for you to integrate and have a more enjoyable experience.

Thus

, the

history

countries

will help us understand more about the

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

and cultures around the

world

Moreover

, learning

world

history

contributes improvement of our

country

. Learn how other

countries

improve their lives, and how to manage their citizens. From that, we can apply it to our

country

. In 1911, Ho Chi Minh's president went to other

countries

to find a way for Vietnam to become an independent

country

Therefore

, studying

world

history

helps us understand the current and future and

then

find a way to develop our

country

. After discussing all the points mentioned above,

Change the capitalization

show examples

can

finally

conclude that

world

history

is important to learn in school.

Submitted by phamnhung275 on Tue Feb 28 2023

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overall

The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present but need improvement. The main points are somewhat supported but could be more detailed to improve coherence and cohesion. The response is generally complete, but specific examples and comprehensive ideas need to be more relevant and well-developed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree.

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “It’s more important to eat a good diet than to exercise a lot”. Support your choice with reasons and details.