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Band 4.5

Some people say that it is necessary to give importance to your career, while others say that it is better to spend time with your family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #importance #career #time #friends
It is quite a controversial dilemma for some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
where
Change preposition
on where
show examples
 to focus
Change preposition
on
show examples
either
career
 or family
life
. It appears that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right equilibrium will be required for a happy balance
life
. On one hand, the importance of a good
career
 is significantly necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 various reasons.
Firstly
, having a stable job benefits the family. They can have a comfortable
life
,
for example
, and a chance to travel.
Secondly
, having a good
career
 means a secure future, especially if they can handle their extra income properly. Which can provide them
instant
Change preposition
with instant
show examples
 cash if they need it in
Correct article usage
an emegency
show examples
emegency
Correct your spelling
emergency
.
Lastly
, being brilliant in your
career
 can make the person mentally healthy.
This
 can
Add a missing verb
be by
show examples
by
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 receiving recognition, awards or maybe additional benefits from the company.
Conversely
,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opponents of focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their jobs believed that it is better to spend a significant amount of time
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their family and friends. I assumed they mean children should be raised at home
instead
 of sending them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 boarding school. In
this
 way, parents can be part of their different milestones in
life
. They can
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 them
as
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a great individual by passing family traits.
In addition
, children
typically
Add a missing verb
are typically
show examples
 in need of emotional needs that only achieve by having a dedicated adult to help them
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all times.
Furthermore
, a kid with a beautiful upbringing by their parents
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 potential to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 more.
At the end
 of the day, it seems both are significantly important to achieve a
fullfillment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
life
. Excel in work and balance family
life
.
Submitted by Maria_magsakay on

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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