Some people say that it is necessary to give importance to your career, while others say that it is better to spend time with your family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is quite a controversial dilemma for some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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where
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on where
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to focus
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on
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either
career
Use synonyms
or family
life
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. It appears that
a
Correct article usage
the
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right equilibrium will be required for a happy balance
life
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. On one hand, the importance of a good
career
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is significantly necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
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various reasons.
Firstly
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, having a stable job benefits the family. They can have a comfortable
life
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,
for example
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, and a chance to travel.
Secondly
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, having a good
career
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means a secure future, especially if they can handle their extra income properly. Which can provide them
instant
Change preposition
with instant
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cash if they need it in
Correct article usage
an emegency
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emegency
Correct your spelling
emergency
.
Lastly
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, being brilliant in your
career
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can make the person mentally healthy.
This
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can
Add a missing verb
be by
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by
Correct your spelling
be
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receiving recognition, awards or maybe additional benefits from the company.
Conversely
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,
to
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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opponents of focusing
in
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on
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their jobs believed that it is better to spend a significant amount of time
on
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with
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their family and friends. I assumed they mean children should be raised at home
instead
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of sending them
in
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to
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boarding school. In
this
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way, parents can be part of their different milestones in
life
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. They can
mold
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mould
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them
as
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into
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a great individual by passing family traits.
In addition
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, children
typically
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are typically
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in need of emotional needs that only achieve by having a dedicated adult to help them
in
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at
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all times.
Furthermore
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, a kid with a beautiful upbringing by their parents
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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a
Correct article usage
the
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potential to
success
Replace the word
succeed
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more.
At the end
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of the day, it seems both are significantly important to achieve a
fullfillment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
life
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. Excel in work and balance family
life
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.
Submitted by Maria_magsakay on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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