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Band 4.5

In modern time tourists visit destructive place like Sahara and Antarctica. Is this bring more advantages or disadvantages?

#time #tourists #visit #place #sahara #antarctica
It is a fact that
people
 like to
visit
abanded
Verb problem
abandoned
show examples
places
 to understand
current
Add an article
the current
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 situation but there are some opposite
opine
Correct your spelling
opinions
show examples
questioned
Wrong verb form
question
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it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 safety and protection.In
this
 essay, I,
however
, intended to analyze both perspectives with the relevant examples.
To begin
 with, there are many advantages vested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 visiting difficult
places
.
Firstly
, it is an
eye opening
Add a hyphen
eye-opening
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 message for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 to understand how these reactions destroyed nature.
Secondly
, it will help
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to analyze the importance of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
protection of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
For example
, nowadays many schools and higher education
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 promote visiting
distructivev
Correct your spelling
destructive
places
 to generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of environmental protection.
Thirdly
, it is an opportunity for everyone to see these
places
 because maybe
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will completely vanish from the earth after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years.
In addition
, the new UN report specified that
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of Antarctica's snow melted because of global warming.So going to see
this
 place is worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 everyone.
On the other hand
, there are some risk factors
generate
Wrong verb form
generated
show examples
while
 we
visit
 these
places
.
Consequently
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of these
places
 are prone to natural calamities. To illustrate
this
,many tourists died Himalayan hillside during their vacation because of
landslide
Fix the agreement mistake
landslides
show examples
.
In addition
, sometimes
people
 suffer health problems like difficulty of breathing and infection because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 inhuman condition. In Japan and
Russia
Add a comma
Russia,
show examples
 some of the
places
 are abandoned because of nuclear leakage but still government allow tourists to
visit
 there.
Report
Add an article
The report
show examples
 shows that because of
this
visit
 some
people
 face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serious congenital health issues. In conclusion, visiting these
places
educate
Correct subject-verb agreement
educates
show examples
people
 at the same time we need to take care of our safety.
In addition
, always remember nature is the main reason for our coexistence so we should respect it.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by organizing the arguments more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical sequence that contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened by providing a more concise overview of the main points and a clear thesis statement.
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