IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In modern time tourists visit destructive place like Sahara and Antarctica. Is this bring more advantages or disadvantages?

It is a fact that
people
Use synonyms
 like to
visit
Use synonyms
abanded
Verb problem
abandoned
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places
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 to understand
current
Add an article
the current
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 situation but there are some opposite
opine
Correct your spelling
opinions
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questioned
Wrong verb form
question
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it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 safety and protection.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I,
however
Linking Words
, intended to analyze both perspectives with the relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many advantages vested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 visiting difficult
places
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, it is an
eye opening
Add a hyphen
eye-opening
show examples
 message for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 to understand how these reactions destroyed nature.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it will help
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to analyze the importance of
Correct article usage
the
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protection of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays many schools and higher education
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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 promote visiting
distructivev
Correct your spelling
destructive
places
Use synonyms
 to generate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of environmental protection.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, it is an opportunity for everyone to see these
places
Use synonyms
 because maybe
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will completely vanish from the earth after
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 years.
In addition
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, the new UN report specified that
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of Antarctica's snow melted because of global warming.So going to see
this
Linking Words
 place is worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 everyone.
On the other hand
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, there are some risk factors
generate
Wrong verb form
generated
show examples
while
Linking Words
 we
visit
Use synonyms
 these
places
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of these
places
Use synonyms
 are prone to natural calamities. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,many tourists died Himalayan hillside during their vacation because of
landslide
Fix the agreement mistake
landslides
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.
In addition
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, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 suffer health problems like difficulty of breathing and infection because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 inhuman condition. In Japan and
Russia
Add a comma
Russia,
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 some of the
places
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 are abandoned because of nuclear leakage but still government allow tourists to
visit
Use synonyms
 there.
Report
Add an article
The report
show examples
 shows that because of
this
Linking Words
visit
Use synonyms
 some
people
Use synonyms
 face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serious congenital health issues. In conclusion, visiting these
places
Use synonyms
educate
Correct subject-verb agreement
educates
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 at the same time we need to take care of our safety.
In addition
Linking Words
, always remember nature is the main reason for our coexistence so we should respect it.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by organizing the arguments more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical sequence that contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened by providing a more concise overview of the main points and a clear thesis statement.
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