IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Every year millions of people around the world suffer from poor health as a result of air pollution What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#year #millions #people #world #health #air #pollution
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There are many issues in the world which should be solved. Sometimes
people
 suffer from
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 decisions which we can not control and influence them.
Nevertheless
, we
also
 can be involved in some global problems, vote for something or be in the corner. It can be hard but the decision of the most important problem starts from
one
 person. When we can not create a new order in the world and convince all
people
 what is good and what is wrong, we can begin
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
life
.
One
 cause of poor
health
as a result
 of air pollution is the use of petrol
cars
 a
lot
. Nowadays, a
lot
 of
people
 do not think about the impact of gasoline on the environment and continue to use them,
although
 they have money opportunities for buying electric
cars
. But the same
people
 choose another
way
. They just change
one
 city for
life
 to another, continuing to pollute the surrounding area. Probably,
one
 solution for
this
 problem can be a great motivation to acquire electric
cars
.
For example
, in
Italy
Add a comma
,Italy
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 the government pursues a policy of tax deduction for the purchase of electric
cars
.
Moreover
, there are more and more electric
cars
 with affordable prices.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the amount of the tax deduction varies and depends on the price of the car. The higher the price, the higher deduction. In
this
 case,
people
 in Italy begin to buy electric
cars
 more often, and
this
 trend is continuing now. A second cause of poor
health
as a result
 of air pollution is the incorrect location of plants and factories. There are a
lot
 of plants in cities or close to cities.
However
, many companies continue to build and sell houses near the factories.
This
way
 aggravates
life
 and
people
’s
health
.
For example
, in
Russia
Add a comma
,Russia
show examples
 many companies sell houses near the plants for a lower price but they understand and can see the consequences of it. A
lot
 of
people
 agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 these conditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they do not know any other
way
 for them. In my opinion, all factories should be moved out of the city and placed in remote locations.
Otherwise
,
people
 will suffer from different diseases. The problems of the environment are
one
 of the most popular topics for discussion and search for a solution. It is hard and impossible for
people
 to get others to do things right or in the best possible
way
. But we
also
 can start from our
life
 and do something positive for
health
 and the environment step by step.
Submitted by nikolettliny on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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