IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Excessive sugar consumption causes many diseases. Some people think that it is the government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption while others think that it is the individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views

#sugar #consumption #diseases #people #government #responsibility #limit #people’s #individual’s #amount
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
people
 tend to eat a
lot
 of instants and fast
foods
 as their daily
foods
. And
also
 that some
foods
 are mixed with a
lot
 of
sugar
.
Therefore
 many diseases are caused to
people
's health. In
this
 ,I will highlight some of the major reasons for
this
matter
 and how the government will involve in resolving
this
. Foremost,
people
 always wish to eat sweet and tasty
foods
 and most children love to eat that.
Therefore
 a
lot
 of food producers are added
sugar
 to their products to establish a food market. And some
people
 think that they can re-fill their energy with produced energy drinks, for the research of some researchers found that there are 60% per cent
sugar
 included in that energy drinks.
Furthermore
, it will happen a
lot
 of diseases are caused to human beings by
this
sugar
matter
,
therefore
 the government had a big role to resolve
this
 mishap,
for instance
, it needs to establish research teams and departments to award quality certificates to reduce
sugar
 ingredients. In ,addition they can advertise some education programs for
people
 to catastrophe about
this
sugar
matter
 and they can stick some sign boards to educate
people
. In a nutshell,
this
matter
 is not only the responsibility of the government but
also
people
 must need to give attention to
this
sugar
 consumption,
therefore
 they can think about their health individually and save their life. Because different ages have different diets for their daily food needs,
hence
 they must realize what should they eat and what should they don’t,
however
, in my opinion, I believe, those who love their life and their close knits, must attention to
this
 problem, and they give first priority to manage their daily
foods
 routine in a healthy way.
Submitted by srz.azanka1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: