IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs(for example,working for a charity,improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children)

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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It has been suggested that high
school
Use synonyms
 students should take part in unpaid community service
Use synonyms
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
,as part of their
school
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 educational programs.Undoubtedly many schools have added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their curriculum and
providing
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
Add an article
an
the
show examples
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to obtain work experience
how ever
Correct your spelling
however
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 these are
opttional
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optional
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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In my opinion, they should engage them in a
fee
Correct your spelling
free
show examples
community service
program
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 because these activities
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 a wide range of
voluable
Correct your spelling
valuable
 skills. On the one hand, Some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that doing
volunteeing
Correct your spelling
volunteering
volunteer
 work can distract them from their studies.
Therefore
Linking Words
,they are suggested to
fucus
Correct your spelling
focus
show examples
 on their homework after
school
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 period which will help them
to
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with
show examples
 their academic
perrfermance
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performance
. Some subjects like
mathmetics
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mathematics
,
science
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and science
show examples
 need extra focus which is not possible at
school
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limited
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during limited
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 hours.
On the other hand
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,Life skills are very important for students as they are the future citizen of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.They will have to take higher responsibility. For
instant
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an instant
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,They can learn team effort,
proper
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and proper
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coodination
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coordination
 at work
while
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involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 in the junior football team.
In addition
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 to that the quality of kindness will develop
while
Linking Words
 working in a charity
program
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.Helping in the hospital ,they can get the divine quality
sympathy
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of sympathy
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 and apathy. Unfortunately,
Nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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 these young adults engage
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in TV programs or browsing
in
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apply
show examples
the internet or
in
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on
show examples
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
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,
Correct word choice
and twitor
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twitor
Correct your spelling
twitter
 after
school
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instead
Linking Words
 of doing their homework.By doing charitable or community service, they will be more creative.The creativity can reflect in their CV as well
but
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and
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also
Linking Words
 help in their employment. In Conclusion, I think
this
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 is a very good idea ,and
This
Linking Words
program
Use synonyms
 should be included in high
school
Use synonyms
 as compulsory
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
.
Submitted by saomyakrsna on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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