Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

Success plays

role

Correct article usage

a role

show examples

in our life,

while

Some people think that success comes from hard work and determination, on other opinions, think there are more important factors

such

money

and appearance. In

this

essay, I will discuss both views and state my opinion. There are two primary reasons for

this

Overall

, achievement has a major role in the play as it shapes personality. Only individuals put constant effort into tasks, and the result turns out fruitful.

Such

as students after finishing university willing to start work.

Moreover

, often we listen to successful businessmen, and how they start their careers.

For example

, Suliman Alrajhi was born in a society poor,

nevertheless

, today has a big company (Alrajhi Bank) in Saudi Arabia.

Firstly

, some people believe

money

is everything in life. The viewpoint that means

money

and looks are important to reach its peak for achievement. Sometimes, males or females born in affluent families can help

easy to

Verb problem

apply

show examples

develop themselves

Rephrase

easily.

show examples

Whereas

men’s

Fix the agreement mistake

man’s

show examples

father is rich and can provide by opening privet company without the need to take

money

from a bank.

Secondly

, it is more than clearly important hard work and determination to be successful. By working hard and being determined to move forward skills and knowledge are gained. These skills and information are the easy keys to dealing with problems, and the main reason for gaining wedges. In conclusion, in my perspective, income and outfit are important to be successful only in a specific case, on

other

Correct article usage

the other

show examples

hand, a hard effort is most important to achieve goals.

Submitted by yasmeen.almusllam00 on Thu Mar 02 2023

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Task Response

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Coherence and Cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented. Additionally, the supported main points are not effectively developed and linked. Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical organization, and that the introduction, body, and conclusion are well-connected.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent, do uou agree or disagree?

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society? What is your opinion on that?

Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people believe that students work better if the teacher is strict; others think it is better for students, if the teacher has a friendly approach. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.