IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

While studying abroad provides an opportunity to broaden one’s experience, as also present the danger of letting influence from the host culture. How far do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#opportunity #one’s #danger #influence #host #culture
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It is generally accepted that studying abroad can provide a wider experience,
while
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 it might be dangerous to be influenced by foreign cultures. I personally believe that
besides
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 any beneficial things that we get from studying abroad, we
also
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 should prevent ourselves from any negative culture from other nations.
On the other hand
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, the significant reason people tend to choose to study abroad is because they want to get new experiences and knowledge that they cannot get from their
countries
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.
For
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this
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 reason, they will adapt to new lifestyles and new habits from many
countries
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.
For instance
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, many
students
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 who
take
Verb problem
attend
show examples
 school in the Netherlands tend to have a habit of using a bicycle because it is the highest bicycle usage in the world.
Similarly
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, if
students
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 take a college in Asian
countries
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, they tend to eat rice every day since there are many
countries
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 with the highest rice consumption.
Besides
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 that, there are a lot of
countries
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 that have different cultures than our own nations. Sometimes, its cultures have an opposite core belief from our traditions.
For example
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, many Muslim
students
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 should prevent themselves from consuming alcohol or pork when they study abroad since both of those things are prohibited in their religion.
Additionally
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, some people tend to think some things that come from a foreign land are more modern than anything we have in our
countries
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 and make us forget about our roots. As an example, listening to modern music rather than traditional music might be affected by foreign
countries
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 . To summarize, I personally believe that studying abroad provides the opportunity to broaden the experiences,
however
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 in terms of the bad influence of foreign
countries
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 having a negative effect on
students
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, they should prevent themselves from always remembering their roots.
Submitted by ers.2024 on

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Task Response
You've made a good effort to address the topic, but your response could be enhanced by presenting a more balanced argument regarding the pros and cons of studying abroad and how individuals can mitigate the negative influences. This would show a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore, on the other hand) more effectively to link ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well supported. At times, your supporting details seem to wander slightly off-topic. Stick closely to your main argument in each paragraph.
Task Response
Be mindful of overgeneralizing cultures or behaviors without offering specific examples or evidence. While some cultural observations were noted (e.g., bicycle usage in the Netherlands, rice consumption in Asia), further development and specificity could strengthen your argument.
Task Response
You've effectively used examples to demonstrate the cultural influences of studying abroad (e.g., bicycle usage in the Netherlands, rice consumption in Asia), which enriches your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your essay and summarizing your main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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