IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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High levels of
sugar
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 are common in many manufactured
food
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 and drink
products
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. It’s often said that
products
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 with
sugar
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 inside should be more expensive in order to reduce the consumption of
sugar
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. I disagree with
this
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 statement because the poor might suffer from
this
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 and simply making sugary
products
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 more expensive can’t solve the
health
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problems
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 of
people
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. Since
sugar
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 is an essential nutrient ingredient for human bodies and the cost of producing
sugar
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 is economical, many
people
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 in the world are relying on them. There is no doubt that higher taxes on
sugar
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 will have a significantly negative impact on the lives of many poor
people
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. A large range of famine can happen because
people
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 can’t afford their expenditure of
food
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. Consider those who are living on another side of the world, might be affected by the tax policies of
sugar
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 through worldwide trade.
Furthermore
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, the
problems
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 of
sugar
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 consumption are not as easy as
people
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 think. Straightforwardly increasing
sugar
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 taxes can’t solve the
problems
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.
For example
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, in the
last
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 century, cane
syrup
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also
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 led to multitudes of obesity
problems
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 in society.
People
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then
Linking Words
 started to seed its substitute so corn
syrup
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 are created.
However
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,
this
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 kind of
syrup
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 can be manufactured more cheaply and the ingredients inside are almost the same as cane
syrup
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. So
people
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 just killed a devil and
then
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 created another one. The same can be said for the tax
problems
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. If heavy taxes are added to
sugar
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, a wide variety of
food
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 additives will
consequently
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 take the place of the original position of
Add an article
the
show examples
sugar
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. These
food
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 additives can be more easily absorbed by human bodies and are cheaper. Even worse, many of them harm our
health
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, which can result in more
health
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problems
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 compared to
sugar
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. Making the price of sugary
products
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 higher is not an ideal practice for solving
health
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problems
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 of
people
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 because
this
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 can affect many
people
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 in the range of world as
sugar
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 is so essential, and it might lead to more
health
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 issues.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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