IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent during work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

The chart below shows the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent during work in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
#changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #work #households #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph illustrates the changes in the ownership of electrical products and else
time
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
taken to complete
household
Correct article usage
a household
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in a country from the age 1920-2019. The unit used to measure the houses with electrical appliances are in terms of percentage and the task done at home is expressed in no. Of hours.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data in these figures are for 5
years
Use synonyms
 respectively ( 1920,1940,1960,1980,2000 and 2019). In the first one, the scale increased during the initial
years
Use synonyms
 and decreases for the later ones but it doesn’t remain the same in the other graph as the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 required to complete
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 in the houses stayed high during the early
years
Use synonyms
 and gradually became low during the
last
Linking Words
 generations. In the age ,
1920
Change preposition
of 1920
show examples
 it shows that the use of washing machines was nil as compared to vacuum cleaners (30 per cent) and refrigerators which remained high (40 per cent). Use of washing machines spiked from 1940 and reached the highest with the same no. as of vacuum cleaners ie;(100 per cent) by the
time
Use synonyms
 2019.
Whereas
Linking Words
 with almost 72percent refrigerators remained lower than the other two gadgets for the same period. If we see at the other graph the
time
Use synonyms
 taken by people to end their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 during the 1920s was quite higher by (50hrs/week) which slowly got decreased in the
last
Linking Words
years
Use synonyms
 respectively in 1940( nearly 35hrs a week), 1980 around (20
hrs
Use synonyms
 in 7 days) for the next two
years
Use synonyms
 it remained same with (about 12hrs/week) and
lastly
Linking Words
 in 2019 with the lowest of 10hrs.
Submitted by Leena Kapoor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, years, hrs with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: