IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two following pie charts illustrate the percentage of the
sales
Use synonyms
 in online shopping for four different retail sectors in New Zealand, but the one on the right shows the data for 2013
while
Linking Words
 the one on the left presents the
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, as it can be clearly seen that in 2003 the travel sector had the highest number of
sales
Use synonyms
 but it slightly decreased in 2013 so the sector with the most
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013 was films and music.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the lowest
sales
Use synonyms
 were books in 2003 and clothes in 2013.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, clothes had a huge part in online
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2003 as it was almost a quarter of the pie chart as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is shown in the data. Books sale has been nearly stable through the ten years because they increased from 19 to 22 cent
while
Linking Words
 film and music had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant growth as they went from 21% to 33%.
To conclude
Linking Words
, travel has been one of the highest sectors with
sales
Use synonyms
 and books were the lowest sector with online shopping
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2003 and the second lowest
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2013.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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