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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#children #parents #part #time #job
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Parents motivate to indulge their
children
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 to have a lot of activities and a part-time
job
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 is one of them. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why the benefits of having a part-time
job
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 overshadow the potential drawbacks. On the one hand, getting involved in part-time employment could pose two challenges to
children
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.
Firstly
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, it may distract them from their
school
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 activities as they may usually get overwhelmed with part-time
job
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 responsibilities. To illustrate, because of a heavy workload, it is probable that they will end up too lazy for studying or even play hooky.
As a result
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, they may face difficulty in keeping up with the subjects, which could potentially lead to getting bad scores in the annual reports.
Secondly
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,
children
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 might have a lack of time even if they can maintain the right balance between their part-time
job
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 and
school
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, considering that
children
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 normally spend five to seven hours at
school
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. Because of
this
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, they will probably have limited freedom to explore their
potentials
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potential
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, spend time with others or even get rest.
Such
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 poor work-life balance could make them stress and burn out.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that having a part-time
job
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 offers more benefits to
children
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.
Firstly
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, it enables
children
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 to obtain work experience, which can be the added value to them at a later stage in life.
For example
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, by being exposed to a real working environment, they can get the chance to learn a number of skills
such
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 as critical thinking, leadership, and problem-solving.
As a result
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, they have a lot of possibilities to get hired since most companies nowadays focus on experienced candidates.
Furthermore
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, having a part-time
job
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 means that
children
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 earn a salary. As they learn how hard to make their own money, they can not only help reduce their parents’ expenses, but they can
also
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 learn about financial management, which can improve their financial plans. In conclusion,
while
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 part-time jobs can provide
children
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 with the opportunity to gain valuable work experience and appreciate the value of money, they will lack the freedom to explore their personal interests and they may end up ignoring their
school
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 responsibilities.
Therefore
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, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • punctuality
  • work ethic
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • time management
  • work experience
  • career prospects
  • independence
  • self-esteem
  • communication
  • interpersonal skills
  • academic responsibilities
  • school performance
  • hobbies
  • relaxation
  • well-being
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • premature adulthood
  • childhood experiences
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