Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that plenty of working people have several
health
Use synonyms
concerns every year
due to
Linking Words
a lack of workouts
by
Change preposition
due to
show examples
enormous workloads.In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will present why a lot of people working in companies can not exercise regularly and show how they can tackle these
problems
Use synonyms
. I will summarise my opinion in the conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
with, many
workers
Use synonyms
suffer from
health
Use synonyms
diseases like high blood and obesity because contemporary
workers
Use synonyms
are tied up with huge workloads. Even some employees take tasks to their house because of the sense of burdensome work. So these reasons render
problems
Use synonyms
that they cannot make time for a workout.
Moreover
Linking Words
, If they have free time to do activity movement, they want to
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sleep to replenish less stamina. Because they need more sleep to remove tired like tons of work quantities
instead
Linking Words
of workouts. I believe that every single business has to support its
workers
Use synonyms
to retain a healthy lifestyle. When they support them, staff could reduce
health
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
significantly and the rate of concentration of work was increased by
health
Use synonyms
support.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study
had
Verb problem
conducted
show examples
research
Linking Words
according to
Change preposition
on
show examples
investment
health
Use synonyms
program employees from a company.
Workers
Use synonyms
of a large IT company, have various activities programs, less
health
Use synonyms
disease compared with other firms and had positive mental conditions in 2019.
Thus
Linking Words
, firms must encourage their staff
health
Use synonyms
-wise consistently. In conclusion, I am certain that modern society
workers
Use synonyms
have some
problems
Use synonyms
like obesity and diabetes,
however
Linking Words
, we can alleviate
such
Linking Words
concerns through companies’ help like making exercise programs.
Submitted by daye9114 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear structure and coherence. The introduction and conclusion need improvement in terms of clarity and effectiveness. The main points are somewhat supported but could be developed more effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to a limited extent. It requires a more comprehensive and clearer development of ideas. The use of specific examples is somewhat relevant but could be more focused.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: