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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table shows
the
Correct article usage
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information on the underground railway
system
Use synonyms
 in six cities namely, London,
Paris
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,
Tokyo
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,
Washington
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,
Kyoto
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 and Los Angeles. The information includes the date at which the
system
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 opened, how many
kilometres
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 the train covers and the number of passengers per year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 holds the highest number of passengers travelling by underground trains which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 1191 million per annum.
Paris
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 is the closed second which contains almost 1191 million commuters
whereas
Linking Words
,
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 has the least number of travellers among all the six cities which is 45 million.
However
Linking Words
, from the figures given in the
,
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data it is evident that London has the oldest underground railway
system
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 which dates back to 1863.In Los Angeles. The underground
system
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 opened some 22 years back
whereas
Linking Words
, in
Paris
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,
Tokyo
Use synonyms
,
Washington
Use synonyms
 and
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 the
system
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 opened in the ’90s. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear from the data that the trains in London cover a large distance which is equal to 394 km.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,in
Paris
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, the route coverage is 199
kilometres
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whereas
Linking Words
, the train
system
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 in
Kyoto
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 covers the smallest distance in comparison with others which is only 11km
while
Linking Words
 the train
system
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 in
Tokyo
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 and
Washington
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 DC covers almost the same distance with approximately 29
kilometres
Use synonyms
 difference.
Tokyo
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 trains have coverage of 155 km
whereas
Linking Words
 the
kilometres
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 shrink to 126 for
Washington
Use synonyms
 DC.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words system, paris, tokyo, washington, kyoto, kilometres with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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