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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
Information is presented by a bar chart which illustrates the survey’s outcome of individuals who bought
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
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 and their drinking behaviours in five different Australian
cities
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
4weeks
Correct your spelling
4 weeks
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that going to a cafe to have
coffee
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 or
tea
Use synonyms
 was the most common habit, except in
Adelaide
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 buying instant
coffee
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 was always higher than that of those purchasing fresh
coffee
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 in all
cities
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. In terms of Sydney and Melbourne,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of Sydney’s
people
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 drinking
tea
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 or
coffee
Use synonyms
 at a cafe was about 61%, the figure for Melbourne was slightly higher, at around 63%. Meanwhile, above 45% of citizens in Sydney and Melbourne had a habit of buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the proportions of those purchasing fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in these two
cities
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 were around 44% and 43% respectively. Moving on to the remaining
cities
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, having
coffee
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 or
tea
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 at a cafe accounted for the largest rate of
people
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 in Hobart, followed by Brisbane and
Adelaide
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, at approximately 51% and 49% respectively. At the same time, around 53% of
people
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 in Brisbane and Hobart chose to buy instant caffeine, compared to nearly 50% of those in
Adelaide
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, a close similarity can be seen in the percentage of
people
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 buying fresh caffeine in Brisbane and
Adelaide
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, at around 34%,
while
Linking Words
 Hobart’s figure was higher, at roughly 38%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, cities, adelaide, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
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