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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should stop teaching students by using books, because students find them boring and that children can learn from films, TV, video games and computers instead. To what extent do you agree?

#people #schools #students #books #children #films #tv #video #games #computers
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Learning is most vital in childhood
as well as
 teenage. All children should go to school to get their primary and secondary education. A few years ago, teaching was completely based on books and field experiences.
However
, nowadays there is a significant revolution occurred in the teaching method which includes
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
a variety
show examples
 of digital devices to ease teaching and
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interest the students. Even though book-based learning is still effective compared to the latest devices. I will discuss
this
 issue in the following paragraphs with some examples. Books are very effective in the learning process. Students can easily remember when they read printed materials.
This
 traditional way of education is suitable for everywhere including villages and the countryside. It
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not dependent on the power supply or any internet facility.
Thus
 the traditional method is less expensive and affordable to every student.
On the other hand
, Modern materials are very expensive and all parents
are not
Verb problem
can
show examples
afforded
Wrong verb form
afford
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 the cost.
In addition
, there are several health-related consequences of using the latest technologies
such
 as films, video games and computers. Teenagers may be addicted to video games and sometimes they may fall into inappropriate content
such
 as pornography, especially when they spend more time on the internet.
Further
, exposure to continuous high-resolution screens will damage their eyes and can lead to visual impairment.
On the contrary
, modern apparatus has several benefits as well. Distance learning, video animation, experimental videos and historical films are some positive aspects of them. In conclusion,
Book based
Correct your spelling
Book-based
show examples
 learning should be encouraged among school children
while
 getting the advantages of modern apparatus in teaching would be the best solution.
Submitted by nusairmsm on

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Task Response
Ensure that your ideas and examples are directly relevant to the topic. Avoid going off-topic to maintain a clear and complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more cohesive manner. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and improve the overall structure of your essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and effectively. Avoid repetitive use of words and explore synonyms and varied expressions.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure, use of tenses, and avoid errors to improve the overall grammatical range. Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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