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Band 5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #development
Nowadays, most of the
products
 are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world and
this
 is
due to
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of technology and transportation. Because of those,
companies
 export their
products
 to get more market share and
this
development
 leads to countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
becoming like each other.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it its
show examples
 has own advantages and disadvantages, I think
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
side
is outweigh
Change the verb form
is outweighed
is outweighing
show examples
 of
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
side
.
One
 of the negative
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of
this
development
 is small
companies
 can’t compete with big
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 because they already have market share.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 thing is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 individuals prefer to import goods rather than
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
run
factory
Add an article
a factory
the factory
show examples
,
this
 is because of the costs and the materials that make
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
products
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
high. So,
people
 prefer to buy
cheapest
Correct article usage
the cheapest
show examples
one
.
For example
, in Iran,
people
 prefer to buy TVs with
brand
Add an article
the brand
a brand
show examples
 of Sony,
Samsung
Correct word choice
and Samsung
show examples
 rather than domestic
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
,
due to
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 and the
quality
 of domestic are too high and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
low
quality
. The positive
side
 of
this
development
 which I think
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is better is that in
this
 situation
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 between
companies
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 high
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they want to get more market share and sell more
products
 to
people
.
Moreover
,
companies
, try harder to use
high
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
quality
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 and
newest
Correct article usage
the newest
show examples
 technologies in their
products
,
although
, they try to keep their price low. Another
benefits
Replace the adjective
benefit
show examples
 of
this
development
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that individuals have
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of choices to buy something,
For instance
, if a person wants to buy a new phone, he/she has lots of choices with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of prices to buy
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 phone for him/herself.
Consequently
,
this
development
 has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 positive and negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
, but I think the positive
side
 is outweigh than
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
side
.
This
 situation is a
win
Change the verb form
winning
show examples
 game for
people
 because they have access to
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
products
 with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
quality
 and prices.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
What to do next:
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