IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#smoker #places
In modern times, the issue of smoking in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 has become controversial. There are those who say that smoking in public areas should be banned,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 others believe that it should not. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will examine both sides of the argument and provide my
overall
 opinion. Generally speaking, there are two main
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why
people
 believe that government should forbid smoking in places,
such
 as
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
,
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
, and train
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
show examples
. Perhaps the main reason why
people
 are in front of
this
 idea is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 cigarette
smoke
 is carcinogenic for the
people
 who breathe it. A good illustration of
this
 is that
people
 who
smoke
 and
secondary
Add a missing verb
are secondary
show examples
 smokers can develop serious
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
such
 as lung cancer. A
further
 point in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of banning smoking in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 is that the
smoke
 cigarette smells terrible.if you stand next to someone who is smoking, your clothes will smell like tobacco
smoke
 for the rest of the day. Despite these arguments, there is
also
 a case for the idea that smoking in public places should be allowed. The main reason why
people
 think that
this
 is a good idea is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 it could negatively affect some businesses,
such
 as bars,
nightclub
Fix the agreement mistake
nightclubs
show examples
 and
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
.
As a result
, many
people
 could lose
jobs
Correct pronoun usage
their jobs
show examples
.
Secondly
, the government could lose a lot of tax revenue from cigarettes.
This
 is because
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 would buy cigarettes and so pay less tax on them. In conclusion, it must be said that smoking in public areas has become a complex issue with no easy solutions. Despite arguments to the contrary, I very strongly feel that we should ban smoking in all public places. If the government implements
this
 policy, we will have a healthier and cleaner society.
Submitted by opshorajhumpa2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: