IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that tourists do not learn anything during their holidays, while others believe that they learn a lot. Discuss both sides .

#people #tourists #holidays
Nowadays,
people
 like to explore a lot,
this
 helps them to develop their knowledge about their surroundings.
However
, a few citizens think that they will not learn anything
while
 enjoying their holidays. On the other side, humans argued that they learned plenty of information. Both views will be discussed in
this
 essay and provide a logical conclusion. On the one hand,
people
 are often saying that they learned nothing during the explorations.
While
 seeing the beauty of nature they forgot about the surroundings, at that time, they
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
 to enjoy themselves rather than question nature.
For example
, danbilzerian is a famous explorer, He advised all the tourists that, it is better to live in the moment
instead
 of studying the environment.
Furthermore
, most of the citizens spend their holidays doing Entertainment activities like hitchhiking and hiking. here you cannot learn anything from it other than experiencing the moment
On the other hand
, some
people
 prefer to know about the
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 and cultures of other kinds of
people
. Each country has a different heritage and by visiting other nations they can acquire plenty of data about their traditional food, dress and shelter.
For instance
, a few weeks ago my uncle, visited Kerala, which is located in India. Actually,
this
 place is known for its traditional activities like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
boat races and baratharnatiyam.
In addition
, he enjoyed learning
this
 belief and felt wonderful.
Moreover
, doing these cultural activities
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gain knowledge about
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 surroundings In conclusion,
This
 essay has discussed both views, Sometimes, it is good to enjoy the present time
instead
 of doing research.
However
, gaining knowledge about traditions makes a person happier.
Submitted by santosh2001kk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more coherently and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay responds completely to the task, and provide comprehensive and clear ideas with relevant specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • superficial engagement
  • consumption-based interaction
  • nuances of local life
  • personal growth
  • cultural diversity
  • global interconnectivity
  • navigating new landscapes
  • genuine cultural engagement
  • meaningful learning experiences
  • embrace new experiences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: