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Band 3.5

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
There are two types of
people
 who either
or
Correct word choice
apply
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ignore
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that there
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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taken
Change the verb form
to take
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 more actions against
crime
.
While
 others think little can be done, I believe that the idea of
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 group is better. On the one hand, it is true that
people
 should take actions to prevent
crime
. Nowadays
people
 have very modern and useful technology that could help to improve safety.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 more specifically,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
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 of CCTV cameras, radars, drones and other similar equipment has enabled
detection
Correct article usage
the detection
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 and prevention of
crime
 in
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
. It may provide enough safety and decline the number of crimes now.
Furthermore
, In a variety of countries,
such
 as the United Kingdom or Italy,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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capital punishment has been abandoned but I believe it should be reintroduced as the fear of death may deter
the
Correct article usage
apply
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potential offenders and stop them from committing
serious
Add an article
a serious
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crime
On the other hand
, In my view
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing or developed
countries
Add a comma
,countries
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people
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 not prevent
crime
.
On
Change the preposition
In
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 my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 if
people
 have good conditions nothing may urge them to do
Add an article
the crime
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Furthermore
, psychologically proven that
people
 want to do the forbidden‌‌.
Due to
of
Change preposition
apply
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this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think
firstly
people
 should
provided
Change the verb form
be provided
provide
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 with good
life
Replace the word
living
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 conditions and punishment ought to be not strict.
To conclude
, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there should not strict punishment for
crime
 because of several reasons.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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