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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
There are two types of
people
 who either
or
Correct word choice
apply
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ignore
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that there
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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taken
Change the verb form
to take
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 more actions against
crime
.
While
 others think little can be done, I believe that the idea of
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 group is better. On the one hand, it is true that
people
 should take actions to prevent
crime
. Nowadays
people
 have very modern and useful technology that could help to improve safety.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 more specifically,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
show examples
 of CCTV cameras, radars, drones and other similar equipment has enabled
detection
Correct article usage
the detection
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 and prevention of
crime
 in
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
. It may provide enough safety and decline the number of crimes now.
Furthermore
, In a variety of countries,
such
 as the United Kingdom or Italy,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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capital punishment has been abandoned but I believe it should be reintroduced as the fear of death may deter
the
Correct article usage
apply
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potential offenders and stop them from committing
serious
Add an article
a serious
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crime
On the other hand
, In my view
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing or developed
countries
Add a comma
,countries
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people
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 not prevent
crime
.
On
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 if
people
 have good conditions nothing may urge them to do
Add an article
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Furthermore
, psychologically proven that
people
 want to do the forbidden‌‌.
Due to
of
Change preposition
apply
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this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think
firstly
people
 should
provided
Change the verb form
be provided
provide
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 with good
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 conditions and punishment ought to be not strict.
To conclude
, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there should not strict punishment for
crime
 because of several reasons.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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