IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #actions #crime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are two types of
people
Use synonyms
 who either
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ignore
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 that there
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
taken
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 more actions against
crime
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 others think little can be done, I believe that the idea of
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 group is better. On the one hand, it is true that
people
Use synonyms
 should take actions to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 have very modern and useful technology that could help to improve safety.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 more specifically,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
show examples
 of CCTV cameras, radars, drones and other similar equipment has enabled
detection
Correct article usage
the detection
show examples
 and prevention of
crime
Use synonyms
 in
real time
Add a hyphen
real-time
show examples
. It may provide enough safety and decline the number of crimes now.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, In a variety of countries,
such
Linking Words
 as the United Kingdom or Italy,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital punishment has been abandoned but I believe it should be reintroduced as the fear of death may deter
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
potential offenders and stop them from committing
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
On the other hand
Linking Words
, In my view
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing or developed
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
people
Use synonyms
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 not prevent
crime
Use synonyms
.
On
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 if
people
Use synonyms
 have good conditions nothing may urge them to do
Use synonyms
Add an article
the crime
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, psychologically proven that
people
Use synonyms
 want to do the forbidden‌‌.
Due to
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
firstly
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 should
provided
Change the verb form
be provided
provide
show examples
 with good
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 conditions and punishment ought to be not strict.
To conclude
Linking Words
, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there should not strict punishment for
crime
Use synonyms
 because of several reasons.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: