IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 some
people
 think that
children
 are getting
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
freedom
.
This
 situation we cannot control our
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 time. Parents should give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
partial
freedom
 can give to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I
am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
show examples
 about
this
 content. If we are giving more
freedom
children
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
go for the negative parts, They are
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
 will go for the different types of addictions like alcohol,drugs etc...,And they
are get
Change the verb form
are getting
show examples
 individual times they will go with friends and
enjoying
Change the form of the verb
enjoy
show examples
 with them. They are irresponsible
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 in their
life
.
Some how
Correct your spelling
Somehow
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 future will be very
badly
Change the word
bad
show examples
and become increased negative sides.
Children
 should be responsible
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 parents. They should
incredible
Add a missing verb
have incredible
show examples
children
 and live the ideal
people
. We should have to improve
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 confidence and can give good
life
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the Other
show examples
Other hand
Change the wording
another hand
Other hands
show examples
,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
we
are give
Change the verb form
are given
show examples
freedom
 to our
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
they have to enjoy
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
life
 without any
responsible
Replace the word
response
show examples
. If they are developing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 confidence and go
some where
Join the words
somewhere
show examples
 to
travell
Correct your spelling
travel
 and will get
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of knowledge from the world. They can get new opportunities
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 free
life
. In our country not accepting to give more
freedom
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.Because our culture is like to grow under with the parents. They are giving more good ideas to the
children
.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
children
 are not
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the individual
life
 .present situation
children
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
show examples
 interested to get
free
Add an article
a free
show examples
life
. But our country
people
 are not allowed like
this
contion
Correct your spelling
content
condition
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
people
 mostly disagree to give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
freedom
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
. Because in Indians
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 given more
free
Replace the word
freedom
show examples
 to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
children
. We cannot more individual situations cannot give our child to get affected the negative situations.
W e
Correct your spelling
We
show examples
 should give
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 incredible Shildon for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 to avoid more
freedom
 from there.
Submitted by finajince on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: