In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crimes, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the benefits of increased security outweigh the drawbacks?

There is no denying fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
in recent years in major cities and towns governments have introduced security cameras to record the movement of citizens. No matter where we are going everything is filmed.
Furthermore
, all the calls that we make are recorded by police officers. Our mobile devices are connected
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the government's system and thanks to that we are under their control.
This
new technology method has a lot of proponents and opponents. Should we slowly get used to it? Prior I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
read an article about “New technology in near future” I personally thought that
this
movement is quite normal these days, but I was wrong. People feel crowded and uncomfortable
due to
city cameras. As I read in
this
article,satellites orbit the Earth, watching us whether we like it or not. Another important issue is that society posts a lot of information on social media. Nowadays it is effortless to steal personal information and check what people are doing.
On the other hand
, there are some benefits. In regions where there is a high crime level, city cameras can scare off an offender. If they can see a camera they can think twice before they will break into a building or steal a car.
However
, when the camera catches a law-breaker, it will facilitate the policies looking for the bandit.
To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
everything that has been stated so far, probably in the future there will be more and more options to have control of society.
However
, our freedom is much more important than
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
development. Inhabitants should feel free and independent in your town.
Submitted by jula.wierzba on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: